death ...

a sad bit of news ... last Saturday, very early in the morning, my Uncle Bud passed away suddenly of a heart attack. he will definitely be missed.

its so hard to understand the finality of death ... we have all experienced it in different forms ... pets, neighbours, grandparents ... at different ages and stages it means different things though.

for me it was the first death of a close family member that all of my children will participate in; when my grandfather died, only M and S were at the funeral and they were 6 and 4 and i know they were sad but definitely didn't have the same emotional depth that they do now. this is also the first funeral with an open casket and i definitly didn't prepare any of them for that ...

it is the first person of my parents generation to pass away in our family... it made me acutely aware of what a fine line we tread ... it made me realize that it can be anyone at any time and we all need to take care of each other.

it made me realize (yet again) how alone i am ... when my parents die, i will have do all those things ALONE that my cousins had each other for ... it also made me realize how grateful i am that my kids have each other ... one day, they will be grateful too ...